Sightings of strange creatures with wrinkly skin and bent limbs have
been occuring for years. Experts say that these creatures have a tendency
to travel in herds and can often be sighted at Bingo parlors and swap meets.
Although reports vary, common attributes are: strange smell, slow movement,
strange hair growths, detachable teeth, and very poor driving skills. These
creatures, known to experts as "Senior Citizens" or the more casual term "Old
People", seem strange and unusual in many ways. However, they share many
similarities with us and should be examined carefully. If you actually see
one of these creatures, BE CALM!!! They are easily frightened and can attack
using hard sticks, which they call "canes", while shouting strange war cries,
such as "whippersnapper", "wheniwasyourage", or "iswearkidstoday!". Scientists
are still trying to decipher their seemingly unintelligible code.
|The pope: Catholic Leader or just plain Old guy? Either way, all around wacky dude||Here we see a swarm of Old People feeding. Careful, they have been known to attempt to gum humans to death!!!||Here is a rare closeup of a Senior Citizen. Notice the glazed look in his eyes and the slight drool. Again, I warn, APPROACH WITH CAUTION!|
|Here, we see one of their rituals which celebrates a creature becoming older and, incidentally, more incoherent and feral. Scientists are unable to explain this.||A bewildered looking Old Person caught on film. He is most probably stunned by the flashing light, which is known to frighten the poor things.||This Oldie is presumed to be the leader to the various swarms of Old People. Acting as kind of a "Queen Bee", he directs the actions and productivity of the swarms.|
These have been a few examples of Old People in their natural habitats. They
are truly some of the strangest creatures known to humankind, thus their dubious honor
of being placed in Oomphoophoo's House of Strangeosity. Amazing to watch, from a distance.
They can be feral and viscious, having no real cognizance of the world around them.
However, with the proper amount of training, care, and patient cleaning, they
can make adorable and loyal pets (where they are legal). Be cautious of the leader though.
He is dangerous, incoherent, and aggressive. If it is spotted, it should be captured and
euthanized immediately!! It has often been known to attack normal humans on sight and should
not be allowed to roam free among us!